I always knew I would study abroad during my junior year of college. My older sister had studied in Florence, Italy and my mom traced her year-long travels on a big map of Europe on the kitchen wall. I wanted that for myself. But I had strict criteria. I wanted to live in a country where I could speak the language, so I could more easily engage in local life. And I did not want to be part of an American campus abroad. I wanted to be immersed in the British university experience. I found just what I wanted in the Institute of European Studies which selected 40 American students from across the US and sprinkled us among the 4,000 students at Durham University. During that year, my goal was to engage in activities that I could not do at home, that were uniquely British, stretching myself to try new things like bell ringing, rowing, rock climbing, and taking a liking to hard cider.

Reading though my extensive journal from that year, I am struck by my early entries in which I bemoan the ability to make friends among the British students. I longed to find someone who would be a true friend, someone I could talk to, who would drop by my room, or invite me for coffee and biscuits in her room. Little did I know that two such friendships would grow, blossom and last over 50 years!

Jo was one of the first people I met “in college.” I had traveled through Paris on my way over that fall, and arrived with suitcases full of dirty clothes. After finding my way to the room with the washers, spin dryers and drying racks I stood confounded by the washer. Jo found me completely at a loss on how it operated, and quicky came to my aid. Although I could hardly understand her “Geordie” accent from NE England, I managed to grasp the concept and clean my clothes. Her straightforward style, loyalty and wonderful sense of humor would soon become familiar to me.

Mary remembers tracking me down one day after Mass. We chatted all the way back to our rooms and sought one another out at CathSoc events. Less than a month after arriving in Durham, I planned a weekend trip to London and she invited me to her home to meet her family en route. I could not have been more excited – it was exactly the bond I’d been seeking. The visit was short between trains, but it was a precious insight into her family life.

In digging through my old photo albums from that year, it strikes me how different it was taking pictures back then. With cameras, film and developing, photos came at a price and my camera was not always at hand. The vast majority of my pictures are from my travels and the sights I saw. Very few are of everyday occurrences, and those that focused strictly on people are rare. Selfies were still far into the future! Photo quality was also quite lacking. Many of them are disappointingly dark or fuzzy.

One custom I did capture were the “formal meals” we had in college several times a week. We wore our academic gowns and awaited the top table to sit before starting to eat. I loved the unique sense of history and culture, and relished my growing group of friends to sit with for these meals. Jo and Mary are in the center of these photos

Among the amenities of our college was its bar in the basement – common to all the colleges. Open limited hours or for parties, students volunteered to be bar tenders. Somehow Jo convinced me to tend bar with her! I’m sure I let Jo handle the more complicated drinks.

My friendships flourished throughout the year, and I left vowing to stay in touch. All we had back then were aerograms, flimsy self-sealing airmail paper for letters, but we persevered.

Two years later, I received a Rotary Fellowship to do a yearlong graduate degree at the University of Bath. I couldn’t wait to return to England, and reconnect with my friends in person! I had a lot more flexibility that year, living in a rented room above a bicycle shop and eventually buying a car in to conduct my research thesis. Reunions were sweet and some of my best memories, cementing our friendships.

I spent Christmas at Jo’s that year, far from home but filled with merriment.

The following summer I was thrilled to be able to attend Jo’s wedding. Both Mary and I were there, in fact crowding into her childhood home for the occasion, sleeping on couches, sharing the “bath rota” with the bride (she was given a double slot!) and laying out the reception feast in the back yard.

That would be only the first of many life events that we have shared in the 50 years since then. Rich and I traveled to the UK and Europe several times through the 1980s and 90s, and always found a way to reconnect with both Jo and Mary. It helped that they have also remained friends and lived reasonably close together.

On one of our early partings, I said to Mary, “What if one day our children became pen friends and we sent them over to visit one another?” I longed for my kids to have a taste of the same immersion experience I had. It was long before we had families, but in fact we made it happen! Karen and Ruth began writing to one another by the age of 10, and when she was just 12 years old (what were we thinking?) we put her on a plane to stay with Mary’s family for two weeks. Despite a rocky start, they bonded over stomping on bees and began their own lifelong friendship.

In a slight twist on that theme, Mary and her husband Shaun came to visit us with Ruth and Matt. We shared the best of Minnesota with them, including a stay at our remote lake cabin which became their favorite experience.

Then it was Carl’s turn to cross the ocean. He and Matt were not quite the great letter writers that Karen and Ruth had been, but he had the advantage of having met the family already.

On a trip to southern France in 2004, Rich and I made a stopover in London where Mary and family met us for a day touring Kensington Gardens. In 1998 we had also spent a week in France channeling Jo and Peter as we stayed in their country farmhouse – a retreat originally owned by his parents. We thought of them often as we rode their bikes and met their French neighbors!

Weddings were our next connecting points. Mary, Shaun and Ruth came over for Karen’s wedding in 2008, and we returned for Ruth’s wedding in 2011 along with Karen and Matt.

Throughout these years, we stayed in touch between visits. Mary and I made Christmas Eve phone calls each year, eeking out the minutes in the cheaper off-hours to hear one another’s voice. As technology advanced, our ability to stay in touch improved greatly. Emails then texts became possible, and we settled into near-monthly phone calls that usually run an hour. With Jo, communication was not as frequent, but no matter the span of time, we easily pick up where we left off each time we see one another. The strength of these friendships clearly transcends time. Our shared values and experiences bind us together, prized relationships.

So when my 60th birthday rolled around, I decided to celebrate the occasion with a trip on my own to see my two overseas friends. Our children had all left the nest by then, I was retired and my friends were approaching that point. We had traveled far since those college days, but our friendship was sweeter than ever.

When my 70th birthday approached, I didn’t hesitate before choosing to repeat the experience. Proving that time and distance are immaterial where true friendship is concerned, we readily joined forces once again.

I never suspected that those college days would lead to 50 years of friendship. And counting!