Category Archives: Family Footprints

Documenting your health care

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Since our recent Emergency Room experience, we have indeed gotten our health care documentation in order. That episode taught us that we were vulnerable, and Rich’s subsequent surgery was all the incentive we needed to make sure we were prepared with the information and rights we needed to protect each other’s health.  In short order, we accomplished the following:

  • Exchanged information on health care providers – we documented all our doctors, dentists, clinics and their contact information and shared them with each other.  I happen to use LastPass to securely store all my passwords and other critical data, so I added records for this information as well.  I can then access it from my smartphone, iPad, or any PC.

1) assign a primary and secondary health care agent and define their rights
2) outline your wishes for life-sustaining medical treatment and end of life care

Forms for Health Care Directives are easily found on the internet, but they are specific to the state in which you live, so it is important to select the correct one.  They also need to be signed by two witnesses or a notary public.

It wasn’t clear to us what rights a spouse has, so we each filled out a Health Care Directive assigning each other as our primary health care agent.  We also asked our unmarried sons to complete one as well.  Parents do not automatically have rights to information or to make decisions on behalf of their adult children.

At our age, one doesn’t often think about end of life care (really, we’re not that old!).  But in completing the forms, we discovered personal wishes that were important to share with one another.  And since these documents can be replaced at any time, we know we can update them if our desires or circumstances change.

Rich provided copies of his Health Care Directive to his doctors and the hospital for his surgery. We are also keeping scanned copies on our smartphones as well as home computers, and sent copies to our children. You never know when or where you will need it.

One is rarely prepared for a health emergency.  We certainly weren’t.  I think we are now in a better situation going forward.  And hopefully we won’t be needing these measures soon.  But I feel better for having taken these steps.

Have you documented your health care yet?

 

Sneak Preview

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It was a year ago this week that I started my retirement.  How odd it was to get up on Monday morning with no place to go.  More accurately, no place I had to go.  It was a liberating yet oddly displacing feeling.  But I didn’t linger long, easily filling my days with long neglected projects, hobbies I’d suppressed for years, family, friends, grandkids! and of course workouts.  Cycling, running, skiing as much as I like has been a treat.  And I have enjoyed starting my “retirement job” as a freelance writer.

I’ve developed my own rhythm to my days.  With Rich still working, I have a large degree of independence.  Rich works remotely from our home in Duluth, so he is present, but occupied.  I enjoy pampering him with fresh muffins mid-morning, and he freely admits that his life is a lot simpler now that I am available to handle the myriad home duties that we used to squeeze in after work hours.

But all that is about to change.  Rich has announced his retirement as of April 26.  Before long he will join me at home daily with an unstructured lifestyle.  No doubt that will take some adjustment, accommodating his plans and needs into my new retirement schedule.

This week feels like a sneak preview of that routine.  With Rich home recovering from his surgery, he’s here all day every day.  But it’s not really a fair test.  He’s flush with small projects, just like I was in the beginning.  And more significant, his physical activity is necessarily restricted.  That’s huge.  As much as he’d like to be out skiing, he’s settling for short walks and trying to be a “good boy.”  I’m not sure how long he can last.

We are entering a new era.  After almost 30 years of marriage, the most free time we have spent together was 17 days on our one and only two-week vacation.  But we’re ready for the challenge.  Rich is already planning to do part-time consulting.  I’m hoping that can fund our “exotic travel” account.  I have my writing and hobbies.  And we look forward to more family time.  Best of all, we can indulge our love of doing long-distance outdoor sports together.  In fact, several more long cycling trips are in the planning stages.

I’ve decided I like the preview.  I’m ready for the full length feature – bring on Rich’s retirement.

Home Again

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It was only 27 1/2 hours.  But it seemed a lot longer.  From the time we walked in the front doors of the hospital to the time we walked out again, it felt as though the world had stopped.  Hospitals are like that.  Nothing seems to matter except what’s going on inside.

Even the short periods of time I spent at home were surreal.  Things just seemed, well, different.  Even the dog knew.  She is devoted to Rich, and kept looking around for him.  I wasn’t good enough for her.  She wanted Rich.  And she let me know it by whining incessantly at bedtime.  And beyond.

We were both very grateful that they decided to keep Rich in the hospital overnight.  Going home the same day as his surgery sounded like a great thing.  Sleeping in his own bed, a quiet, familiar environment and no hospital stay.  But seeing him hooked up to fluids with the nursing staff constantly checking his vitals, and professionals doling out advice or reassurance was a blessing.  The extra care and attention before we were on our own gave us an extra measure of confidence as Rich walked out the door.

It feels good to have all that behind us now.  Rich is thrilled to be showered and dressed.  He’s relaxing on the couch, not a hospital bed.  And he even sneaked a Diet Coke.

We’re glad Rich is home again.  And the dog is happy too.

 

On to Recovery

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The waiting got long. I forced myself to wait at least 15 minutes between checking Rich's status, as it continued to hover on “OR.” I invented logical reasons why he was still in there. I pushed alternatives from my mind. In the scheme of things it really was not all that long. But it seemed like it.

Then suddenly Rich's doctor came out the door and was at my feet. He delivered the words I longed to hear, “All went well.” It did take longer than normal, and there was some additional work that needed to be done, but all still within the confines of the laser surgery. No incision needed. Blockage successfully removed. Yea! On his next fleeting visit he told me he'd just talked to Rich. That was major news. Being raised in a doctor's family, Rich has a healthy apprehension about anesthesia, so coming out of that was a big step. While it was still a long time before I was permitted to see him, I could at least relax.

Now it's all about recovery. Due to the additional work done, the doctor is keeping him in the hospital overnight. At this stage, it seems a small penalty. Rich has already gone from groggy to napping to tapping away on his tablet. Feeling better can't be too far away if he is already engaging with his beloved Internet. Soon Rich will be relocated to his own hospital room. Another first for him.

It will seem strange not to have him home in bed with me tonight. It's not like we haven't spent time apart, it's just that this feels different. But once again we have a lot to be thankful for. This hospital stay is just for good measure. It's not a long, dragged out affair. And I know his recovery is already starting.

The Waiting Room

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True to its name, this is where I sit and wait. I just left Rich’s bedside so they could administer the anesthesia and wheel him into the operating room. Fortunately, he is able to benefit from the medical and technological advances that allow his enlarged prostate to be treated with lasers. So as opposed to full blown surgery, with big incisions and a long recovery process, his less invasive procedure should allow him to go home later today, and return to normal life much more rapidly.

We have been truly blessed and fortunate that in almost 30 years of marriage (not to mention our 20-something individual years before that) and raising our children to adults, we have never experienced surgery before. By the same token, we are both very healthy adults – marathoners, cyclists and long distance skiers. I’m sure the two are related. A friend of mine who is a nurse in a surgical recovery room told Rich that the doctors and nurses are going to love him for his overall good health. It’s a treat, she said, to work with people devoid of other risks and complications – unfortunately something that is all too rare these days.

Being newbies to all this, there are so many unknowns. It’s still surgery, after all. How will Rich feel later today? How long before he can resume his workouts? On the way to the hospital this morning, Rich remarked that if he was feeling nervous, how must someone feel going into a major operation? We couldn’t imagine what it must be like to face something like open heart surgery.

Technology has moved into the waiting room too. I have a restaurant-style pager that will light up when the doctor wants to talk to me. That will let me wander around in the hospital. There is also a monitor in the corner that reports the status of all the patients behind that door. Checking Rich’s patient number, I can see that he is in “OR.” More time to wait. But that’s okay – it’s where I need to be for the day, and I brought plenty to keep me occupied. And I was even able to get a good latte at the coffee bar.

I can wait.

Countdown to the Birkie

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With three family members skiing the American Birkebeiner 50k cross-country ski race this year, there was great potential for raising the level of anxiety and pre-race drama to a fever pitch.  But instead, we were focusing on Rich’s medical problems – a guaranteed way to put life in perspective.  An enlarged prostate that landed him in the emergency room last week didn’t stop him from planning to ski the Birkie.  He continued his training with a catheter, and pressed his already-tired body to stride around the trails.  Going ahead with Skiing Book Across the Bay as planned was an important psychological and emotional achievement, and his doctor and nurse were very impressed!

SCM-2Good news came yesterday – while surgery is required, it is a week away and Rich has the all-clear to ski the Birkie.  The race is still on!  Better yet, he will ski catheter-free.  Look out, ski cam man will return in his signature knickers.

So today we entered the pre-Birkie phase with a vengeance.  We’ve checked the weather forecast for Hayward numerous times.  It doesn’t change much, but somehow it satisfies a need to be informed.  And then there were the discussions over glide wax.  A friend skiing with us offered his fancy waxes, but I don’t know what to do with wax whose name I can’t pronounce.  Red and Blue are my standbys.  After much consternation, emailing with Erik our son, and checking temperature ratings, I finally decided on three coats of red and a final layer of blue.  Will I really know the difference?

We will be driving to Hayward for the day, rather than spending big bucks on underwhelming hotel rooms.  The departure schedule has been set and revised a few times.  With snow in the forecast, we’re allowing extra travel time.  And we hope not to repeat the wrong turn we took last year on the way…

Packing for the event is my forte.  My penchant for making lists does come in handy once in a while.  And yes, of course I have my list from last year’s Birkie.  I have no excuse for forgetting anything vital.

We’ve done our final easy ski, our pasta dinner is in the works, and an early bedtime is planned.  The countdown ends tomorrow.  We’re ready to ski the Birkie!

I let my husband drive the car

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In almost 30 years of marriage, my husband, Rich, and I have shared everything.  Contrary to the popular trend at the time, we merged our bank accounts, bought our houses together, enjoyed each others’ bonuses, and shared our cars.  We never had his and hers cars.  We each drove whichever car was convenient or best suited the task.  That includes the leaky Volkswagen Beetle he brought into our marriage.

So when we brought home a new car last week, the assumption was that the same rules would hold.  What’s mine is yours and what’s yours is mine, right?  Well, sort of.  As it turns out, the new car has 1,000 miles on it already, and I’ve driven them all!  Rich has yet to sit in the driver’s seat.  (Okay, so I did take it on my ski trip last weekend – that contributed significantly to the miles.)

I rather like this new car – it’s zippy and a lot more fun to drive than that old minivan.  It has a manual transmission.  We’ve been without one for a few years, and I’m getting back into the groove again shifting gears.  I took it over to my daughter’s house, and the grandkids got to see “Grammy’s new car.”  I even picked the color – red.  It feels like mine.

But I’ve decided to let Rich drive it to work tomorrow.  I don’t want to press my luck.  We’ve done pretty well together for a long time, and I do hope to make our 30th anniversary in May.

Drive carefully, Rich.  I don’t want anything to happy to my new car!

 

Feeling the Love

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All birthdays are not equal.  This just happened to be an exceptional one!

I started the day with my youngest son, having bagels at Brueggers.  I’ve been going there with my kids since before they were in school, and love spending that early morning time together.  This time we went before he headed off to work.  How times have changed – it used to be me going to work.

The remainder of the morning was spent at Elm Creek skiing.  I had a great time skating around the track, not even minding the repetition of the small man-made loop of snow.  The sun even came out and warmed the air out of the frigid temperatures we’ve been experiencing.  That was pure me-time, doing what I love to do – working out and being outside.

I made it home just in time to change into some nice clothes and meet a dear friend for lunch at a lovely restaurant.  We had delicious light salads and warming cups of tea while we visited.  As usual, we talked and talked and talked.  There is nothing better, and it was a special treat in the middle of my special day.

That was followed by a haircut.  While it sounds mundane, I find it to be a pampering experience.  Having someone wash my hair, massage my head and trim my hair back into submission is something I always enjoy.IMG_0446

IMG_0449The finale was dinner with the family.  Per our tradition, I got to pick the menu, so it was my kind of meal – pesto linguini with scallops.  And my favorite birthday dessert, brownies with peppermint bonbon ice cream.  What’s not to like about that?  While not quite everyone could be there, we had a quorum and it was a fun and lively evening.  How could it be anything else when entertained by a 10 month old chasing a 15 year old dog and a 2 1/2 year old cuddling on my lap and helping me blow out the candles?

On the virtual side, I enjoyed emails, texts, Facebook posts and phone calls throughout the day from family and friends flung far and wide.  Yes, technology is a good thing.

I’m feeling very fortunate.  And loved.

Entering a new era

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For over 23 years we’ve driven a minivan. We’ve only had two in that time span, but they served us well, and were an integral part of our family life.

We succumbed to the trend shortly before our third child was born, and luxuriated in the spacious capacity of our new vehicle.  Shortly thereafter, we bought our cabin Up North, and the minivan was soon christened the “Northstar Navigator,” named for the lake where our cabin was situated.  As nature and outdoor lovers, we chose a cabin four hours north on a pristine lake surrounded mostly by forest land.  So we spent a great deal of quality family time together in the minivan going to and from our little haven.  That was before iPods and vans equipped with VCRs so conversation was encouraged.  Even singing.  As I sat up front, handing out sandwiches, coming up with entertainment ideas and mediating squabbles, I was queen of my brood.

It’s amazing what you can fit into a minivan.  As hard as I try to be abstemious about packing, the longer I’m at it, the more I find to bring.  And there was always room.  The minivan carried our gear to all sorts of destinations – camping equipment out to the Black Hills, canoe paraphernalia to the Boundary Waters, XC skis to the North Shore trails, accordions to competitions in Chicago, bikes just about everywhere.  In more recent years, it moved kids into college dorms, made numerous trips to the dump when we moved out of our home of 26 years, and hauled furniture to our new house in Duluth.

I loved the minivan’s seating capacity.  Even with a family of five, there was still room to bring Grandma and Grandpa along, or extra friends.  Cat and dog?  Sure, plenty of space.  That youngest child graduated from college last year, and we piled kids, grandkids and girlfriend in the minivan for the 10-hour journey to his graduation.  That was true togetherness!

But today we are moving on.  Now down to just the two of us, we decided to replace the minivan with a Subaru Outback and will soon donate our 13 year old minivan to a good cause.  The new vehicle’s all-wheel drive is great for Minnesota winters, and it has a decent capacity in the rear compartment.  There’s no doubt it was a practical choice.  But I’m going to miss the minivan.  Good thing my daughter and her husband bought one recently.  It’s my turn to jump in with the grandkids!

Non-Forced Relaxation

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Mellow is just not in my nature. I have pretty much one gear – Go Go Go. Particularly in the mornings. I like to get up and get going. An early morning run is my favorite, getting in a good workout before settling into the day. Even at the cabin, I require my run and a brisk swim before hanging out on the dock with my coffee and magazines. In winter, I chomp at the bit waiting for it to get light and warm up enough to go out skiing. Intellectually I know conditions will improve as the morning goes on, but my heart wants to rush out the door.

The holidays change all that. Having a house full of family brings its own pace and set of priorities. There is nothing like the dim light of morning, when the great room is lit by only the Christmas tree, the fireplace and a few strategic lights. It oozes quiet and relaxation. Little grandkids wake slowly, snuggling in my arms or someone else’s as they gradually come to life. Each member of the family rises on their own schedule, but tend not to sleep in as late as they once did. I set the coffee brewing in the corner and start making the first of many batches of pancakes and bacon.

Even once fed, pajama clad family members linger on the couches. Reading is a favorite pastime, as is playing with 2 1/2 year old Ben’s newest toys. Recounting moments from the previous evening’s games is a popular topic. Routines have all been left behind, and no one feels the urgency to move on. Not even me.