A Sunny Retreat

I have a habit of flying into snowstorms.  Three times in recent history my return trip from a winter excursion has been delayed a day or more due to blustery Minnesota weather.  I’ve become an expert at rebooking my flights.  The most recent was my return from Seattle, leaving me just 27 hours at home before departing again for the next trip.  Out with the ski clothes, in with the shorts and sandals.

This time the destination was Tucson.  Soldiering on at home while I skied up mountains with Erik, Katie and her mom Betsy, Rich was in need of a break.  He craved respite from this winter’s relentless snowfalls and wistfully reminisced about the sunny warm days we often spent in Arizona.  Despite the clench in my stomach induced by the thought of crowding in another trip, I agreed.  I’d had my fun, he should too.  And who was I to argue with visions of that blissful warmth?  Some hardship.

I decided I would treat it as a retreat.  We’d been there enough times to cover all the best sights and I felt no compunction to be touristy.  I had no must-do activities in mind.  Instead, I would use the time to soak up the outdoors by running, biking and hiking, enjoy eating out, and most importantly rejuvenate my inner creativity.  I was sorely in need of jumpstarting my writing, drawing and painting. That was something to look forward to.

We have a favorite “casita” in Oro Valley, cradled between the mountains with a back patio facing east where we dined each evening as the sunset painted the mountains red.  It was already booked on such short notice, but Rich found one nearby with the same stunning view in addition to a beautiful yard and pool we would share with the homeowners.  Our late afternoon arrival soon confirmed the perfection of his choice.

Normally, we do this trip in April, and although I knew it would be cooler this time, I feared I hadn’t brought enough warm clothes when the first few days started in the 30s and only reached the mid-50s.  Still, I reminded myself that it was a lot colder at home. But that argument wore thin on day 2 when we woke up to 2+ inches of thick snow!  While it was shocking, it was also beautiful and unique.  Our host told us they had seen this happen only twice before in 20 years, and Rich eagerly grabbed his camera to capture the desert under snow.

I did my usual – headed out for a run, using that as my opportunity to see the area blanketed in white and stop frequently for photos.  I wasn’t the only one, cars hastily parked on the roadside everywhere, doing the same.  Unlike Duluth, the walkways were clear and once the sun crept out from the clouds the melting began.  By mid-morning it was all fading into a wet memory.

One of Rich’s desert snow shots

As the week wore on, the temperatures steadily climbed.  Tucson has wonderful bike trails, and I recreated my long rides from past visits.  My favorite outing was timed to coincide with the Rillito River Heirloom Farmers Market.  I was chilled to the bone by the time I’d logged the 22 miles to get there (all on bike trail!), and I eagerly sipped hot coffee and relished a fresh scone as I perused the bountiful farm offerings, artisan crafts and food booths accompanied by local musicians.  By the time I left, I was able to shed all my warm layers and return in shorts and jersey – a long awaited treat.

Rich avidly pursued his birding and photography, scoring a number of rare finds as well as locating his favorite prey – owls.  That inspired me to keep my promise to pursue my own crafts.  Whenever possible, I requisitioned the little table outside our casita to do my writing, crafting several posts for my long neglected blog.  It felt like priming the pump, doing something rusty yet familiar, in preparation for other works I want to tackle.

I used my bike rides to scout out ideas for my nascent discovery of journal sketching and watercolors.  Keeping my eyes peeled for interesting cacti and plants, and knowing I couldn’t crouch on street medians or private front yards, I snapped photos in order to recreate the scenes later.  That was a no-no in the class I took last year, but sometimes you just have to make do.  After spending more time at that little table on the patio, I finally rendered one finished piece. 

Our final day delivered the picture-perfect Tucson weather I had learned to love – cool in the morning, but clear sunny skies and reaching the mid-70s.  I set my sights on re-exploring the third of the lengthy Loop trails, and headed down to the southern portion of the Santa Cruz River Park.  The miles quickly slipped beneath my rental bike tires as I plied the flat trail, out on one side of the wash, back on the other.  Cyclists from racing teams to slow putterers and e-bikes went by, all out to enjoy the beautiful weather.  By the time I returned, I had logged 50 miles.  A suitable finale, I felt.

And yet, I was reluctant to let the day slip away and craved at least a short hike before surrendering this locale.  After dithering over my options with unnecessary anxiety, I finally settled on a local park for a walk. Donning my running shoes and grabbing some water, I headed out to the car.  But I never got in.  What was I doing?  What was I trying to prove?  Hadn’t I just been bemoaning the fact that it hadn’t been warm enough to sit out on the patio to enjoy the view?  It was enough to turn me around.  Grabbing the Mother/Daughter journal that Karen and I share, I made my way over to the remaining sunny spot by the pool.  I settled in with pen and paper, first immersing myself in Karen’s latest entry, then contemplating my response.  Soon I was lost in thought, penning my entry, composing as I went with no option to hit delete or rewrite.  This had to come straight from the heart.  And it did.

Sometimes I need a push to get out of my comfort zone, to abandon my carefully laid plans and tendency to want total control over my life.  This trip was good for me, and Rich got his much-needed escape.  We spent unhurried time together in addition to pursuing our own desires.  It was just the sunny retreat I needed. Even though another Minnesota snowstorm was on the way…

When the Words Won’t Come

It’s been a dry year for writing. After steadily plugging away on my book for over four years, I came to an abrupt halt. At first, I put it down to my usual summer slow-down, the season when I prioritize family, cabin, friends and the outdoors over sitting in front of a laptop. But I failed to get re-energized all through the fall and winter and felt lost, drifting without that goal and sense of productivity. I had to do something.

It was a writing friend who pointed me down a new path. I’ve always had an interest in sketching and was intrigued when I saw a distant cousin doing “journal sketching” years ago. The idea stuck with me, so when Gail recommended Jane LaFazio‘s online class Sketching and Watercolor: Journal Style I took the plunge.

The class included six lessons, one released every week for the students to work on independently. I ordered her list of supplies and waited eagerly to begin.

Week 1: Fruit. I watched her video, read all the instructions, and looked at her examples. Could I really do this? I pulled a sheet of thick watercolor paper off the 5×7″ pad she recommended and lined up my drawing pencil and kneadable eraser. Setting pencil to paper, I took a deep breath and began to follow the outline of the fruit in front of me. This was a rough draft, after all, and I could always hit delete and rewrite it.

Pulling out my permanent ink pen, I traced my pencil lines. There was no going back here, each stroke of the pen was a final statement – a sentence I could no longer change. But it went surprisingly well and I forged on.

The final step was all new territory to me. I opened up my children’s set of watercolors that Jane assured us were a good inexpensive starting point. Now I had to mix colors, blend shades and capture the nuances of light and color. I still have a lot to learn about writing scenes, and this felt the same way. I needed to make this come to life, now with water and paint. With Jane’s reassuring voice in my head, I applied my brush strokes as best I could.

For the journaling aspect, Jane encouraged us to frame our paintings, to add words and context to the composition, and to sign and date it. She was right, it added the polish my timid start needed, the final edit to complete the story.

Voila, I had my first painting!

Now it was time to share my work. The final step was to post my painting on our class discussion page with a note about the experience. Just like reading my stories aloud in writing workshops and hearing others read, this became a valuable learning experience. We all opened ourselves to exposure, gave feedback and encouraged one another on this journey. In addition, Jane commented on each and every painting, always providing encouragement infused with helpful tips and insights.

Buoyed by my first attempt, I bought more fruit and continued painting and posting throughout the week.

Week 2: Leaves. Who knew there were so many colors of green in the plants around us? Jane taught us to mix colors, to layer them on the paper and reveal the veins in the leaves. I revelled in the new techniques, but lacked material in our bleak Northland spring that had not yet sprung. Just as story and plot have evaded me as a writer, I had to get creative and find alternate ways to express myself. This time, foraging in the refrigerator and tub of spring greens I found inspiration.

I liked these small compositions. I was not overwhelmed by a large expanse of white paper, and a complex layout. They were a manageable size, something that could be accomplished in one or two sittings. Just as the magazine stories I have continued to write this year while my book lays fallow. Short projects that were contained and manageable.

Week 3: Straight to Ink. Now this was a scary concept, drawing with no safety net. Committing immediately with no recourse. Sort of like those writing prompts I’ve done in classes. Write about the color Red for five minutes. Don’t look back, just keep writing.

We warmed up with continuous line drawings. Keep your pen on the paper without lifting it, go over existing lines if you need to. I was skeptical, but it turned out to be fun. Then we drew with our non-dominant hand. The results were wobbly and sometimes a bit wonky, but I had to admit there was a bit of charm. It made me realize that left alone, my drawing is very controlled and precise. It takes work to let myself go and let the lines just flow.

We were granted permission to raise our pens in our subsequent drawings, but it was still hard to commit to ink right out of the gate. I found that it forced me to keep my eyes on the subject more, and trust my hand to follow its outline. The longer I kept at it, the bolder I became. I learned to embrace the irregularities and appreciate the end result. Perhaps I need to do more of that in my writing. Ignore the wiggles and blips and just let the words come. Sort it out with color later.

Week 4: Flowers. I was learning to like sketching and painting nature. It’s very forgiving in its irregularities and loose symmetry. This time it took purchasing a bouquet at the grocery store for my subjects, while I gazed wistfully at the garden flowers from fellow students in warmer climes.

My bouquet contained some brilliantly colored blooms, impossible to replicate with my student paints. I queried Jane. “How do I make hot pink?” Her reply, “You can’t. You need specific colors like Opera Pink to get it.” Clearly my toolkit was lacking, so I researched the more professional paints she had recommended for those willing to pay the price. I was now one of those. I hit Place Order.

Perhaps this was like hiring a writing coach. When I found myself unable to navigate the divide between writing short magazine stories and the manuscript for a book, I sought to increase my toolkit. She guided me through exercises to grow my skills, to learn new techniques and put me on a course to continue working on my own.

While I waited for my new paints to arrive, I did the best I could with the materials at hand, and finished up with some pastel flowers.

Week 5: Shoes. I just knew I was going to like this lesson. Shoes provided such a vast array of choices. This one in particular provided numerous comments and camaraderie when we posted our paintings. I found great fun and inspiration in the shoes my fellow students chose, and how they rendered them with ink and watercolor. Students ranged from novices like me to those with obvious artistic talent, and I learned from every one of them. I also admit to borrowing some of their ideas and techniques.

Clearly this was why my writing coach instructed me to read every book in my genre that I could get my hands on. I learned what worked and what didn’t. What made me want to keep reading, and what caused me to quit reading some books.

I dove into my own closet first, then succumbed to the cuteness factor of my grandchildren’s footwear. Sometimes it’s the subject matter itself that makes a creation shine, whether it’s in print or paint.

Week 6: Man Made Objects. This lesson incorporated techniques for drawing to scale, maintaining symmetry and the artistic license in choosing what details to leave in or exclude. Not wanting to copy Jane’s example of a wine bottle with a classy label, I stumbled on a bottle of Amaretto in the pantry. It contained plenty of challenges for getting the proportions right, and I worked through her methods to complete my drawing. But the thought of replicating the bumpy texture of the bottle and the shiny glass was daunting, so I set it aside. When I completed painting a kettle and tea cup, that first drawing taunted me, daring me to complete it. I accepted the challenge.

Sometimes stories don’t go well. Chapters just won’t work. I’ve found that if I leave them alone for a while, rather than using blunt force to push through them, the answer becomes more clear. Or my confidence surges. And the end result is greatly enhanced. So it was for my Amaretto. Along with the help of my new paints!

I have completed my class, but not my painting. I have a lot of practicing to do, especially mastering those finicky watercolors. I found that I look forward to these art projects, and they can absorb a whole morning or afternoon just as writing did in the past. I did have a niggling worry that I might supplant my writing time with sketching and painting. That I might transfer my allegiance from creating with words to ink and color.

I went into this new venture hoping to stimulate my creativity, to open that side of my brain hoping it would spur on my writing as well. If I had my way, I would marry the two. Use my ink and color to illustrate my words. But I’m not there yet.

The biggest hurdle with my book is that I cannot see the true thread, feel the message I am meant to be sending, the audience I seek to serve. Learning to draw and paint hasn’t solved that for me, but clearly it has taught me many transferrable lessons. So for now, I will continue my new art and wait for the words to come.