Letting Go

Posted on August 28, 2016 by Molly

We haven’t lived there for four years. Firmly established in Duluth, we use the townhouse only for brief visits to the Twin Cities. Even our grandkids call it “Erik’s townhouse” as he’s been its primary occupant. Now that he’s married, it’s time to sell.

It should be easy. It never really became home to us, as we transitioned to Duluth within a year of buying it. It carries no family history. It doesn’t have any claim on our heartstrings. We don’t need any of its furnishings or personal possessions. Crucial items made their way north long ago or been replicated there. Clearing the place out should be straightforward.

And yet, it’s hard. It’s not the physical work of packing things up and moving them. It’s the decisions. What to keep. What to get rid of.

I thought we’d dealt with all that when we downsized from our family home to the townhouse. True, that was a thorough house cleaning, sorting and tossing act. We did divest ourselves of a great deal of paraphernalia that we had saved over the years just because we had the space for it. But even then I deferred some decisions. I squirreled things away to deal with later. And later is now.

I’m pretty certain that this malady is confined to the female gender. Rich is far more dispassionate about the whole business. If it were up to him, he’d just clear the place out wholesale. So it’s up to me to go through every item, agonize over what to do with the precious baby clothes, the matching Christmas outfits I made for our kids, the Easter eggs I decorated as a kid, the wedding gifts we no longer use but still carry memories of those who selected them for us. That large oval portrait of great-grandma Julia. It’s hard to part with family heirlooms that no longer fit our lifestyle or decor. My efforts to will the kids into wanting them are fruitless. I’m disappointed but not surprised.

The process is stressful. “Are you still married?” a friend asks following one of our packing trips. How did she know? Nerves frayed, we snap at each other as boxes fill and piles mount for the U-Haul. Sleep is fitful and I feel more tired than when training for a marathon.

They are only things. I like the idea of simplifying and streamlining. In theory. But I’m grateful I don’t have to be there when the Empty the Nest service packs up and carries off the unwanted contents of the townhouse. Seeing the place empty at the end of the day is not as hard. And I console myself with the thought that they will re-purpose as many of the items as possible. I’m glad to see the process completed, and focus on moving forward.

But I’ll be honest. It’s still hard to let go.

Wedding Finery 2.0

Posted on August 27, 2016 by Molly

Two sons. Two summers. Two weddings. Two entirely different celebrations. But the same flower girl and ring bearer for both. And the same seamstress – me.

Each wedding clearly reflected the individual tastes of the respective brides (let’s be honest here, they do set the tone!). As the plans unfolded this year, it became clear that Katie and Erik’s wedding would be a formal and elegant affair. Glitter and sparkles also reigned. It seemed only fitting to dress the little attendants accordingly. I was up for the challenge, and Katie loved the idea.

I started with the flower girl dress. Eager to impress Mya with her finery, I showed her the pattern. Big mistake. She was excited all right. “I want the purple dress!” she exclaimed. What you have to understand is that 4-year-old Mya is very strong willed. And doesn’t forget. That phrase would haunt me up until the day of the wedding.

The simple looking dress on the pattern disguised its complexity. In addition to a silk skirt with an organza overlay, it also entailed a double-layer petticoat and lining underneath. But it was well designed, and those additional features clearly distinguished it as a special dress. The extra effort was well worth it.

The defining detail came about fortuitously. Needing extra fabric to alter one of the bridesmaid dresses, there was enough left over for a sash to trim Mya’s dress. That not only tied it perfectly into the wedding party, but gave the dress the zip it needed. Struggling to get it to tie into a nice bow in the back, I turned to glitz and Hobby Lobby. Using a diamond studded buckle and pin back, I fashioned a fitting anchor for the sash in the back of the dress.

If one dress is good, two is even better. Although not part of the wedding party, I saw no reason that baby sister Isabel should not match her big sister.

Next I turned my attention to 6-year-old Ben. His attire was to be a suit that I carefully matched to the fabric and style of the rented tuxes for the groomsmen. To be honest, I did briefly inquire as to the viability of renting a suit for Ben. But the $200 cost quickly sent me back to my sewing machine with renewed determination.

I had made one tailored suit coat before, and relied on knowing that I had once mastered the required techniques. I soon learned that sewing for little people presents its own challenges, creating the same level of detail on a much reduced scale. Slacks with a fly front and side pockets was new to me, and went together quite nicely. However, the trick came in scrunching the waist down to Ben’s skinny measurements. With multiple try-on sessions and Ben’s patience, I finally got it right.

Glittery hair bows, tie, and pocket hankie completed the ensembles. I finished all my machine sewing with only a few hand details left just over a week before the wedding. And that night the big storm tore through Duluth and took out the power – for four days! That was a close call.

Wedding morning, Mya dons her dress under protest at first. But finally overcomes her objections when Katie whispers that she wants her to “look just like her” in a white dress. Ben asks Daddy to get him dressed in the room with the groomsmen, and emerges looking just like the rest of the guys. Isabel, wisely, is outfitted in her dress at the last minute. And I’m swelling with pride at seeing them in their wedding finery for the second time. Then I turn my attention to being Mother of the Groom. It is, after all, Erik’s wedding day.

A Child’s view of the Harbor

Posted on June 22, 2016 by Molly

We all have too many things. Kids especially do. So for our grandson’s 6th birthday we chose to give him an experience instead. Leaving his siblings behind, we took just Ben on the Vista Star tour of the lake and harbor. For days, he looked forward to it. And I have to admit, so did I. There is something special about one-on-one time with a grandchild.

I’d done the tour before. I’d heard most of the facts, figures and stories from the narrator before as well. But I saw and heard it all through fresh eyes that day. Everything becomes new when seen from a child’s point of view.

As always, the tour started with a jaunt out into Lake Superior. Before we could sail under the bridge we had to wait for a 1000-footer to enter the harbor. It felt like forever between the time we first saw the bow emerge until its stern finally passed by. That was one long ore boat.

Ben loves the Aerial Bridge. So we were mystified that he was anxious about going under it. The hands firmly planted over his ears and the fear in his eyes soon told us why. He knew exactly what was coming. The boat’s loud horn and answering blast from the bridge were indeed ear numbing. But once we cleared the bridge, Ben could relax and enjoy the ride.

There was plenty of shipping activity that morning, from a ship offloading wind turbine parts to tug boats awaiting a call for help and a classic ore boat taking on its cargo below the ore dock. All of it of great interest.The Vista Star itself proved to be fascinating to Ben. There were so many places to explore, from the top deck to the bow and the “restaurant” inside. And the best part about grandparents is that they succumb to requests for treats.

One never knows just what a little mind is taking in. Some of it we gleaned from Ben’s parents later. Apparently he regaled them with tales of his boat ride all the way home, proving that he did indeed listen to the narration and our explanations! One highlight was going under the Blatnik Bridge because “it was so cool to look up at it underneath.” I didn’t even think to look up. But I may have yet another chance. I hear that his little sister wants a turn next.

Time for Mom

Posted on May 8, 2016 by Molly

For every decision we make, there are consequences. Some are great outcomes, some less optimal. Moving back to Duluth has certainly weighed heavily on the side of positives. Easy access to the outdoors and the active pursuits we so enjoy. A simpler life in a smaller city with less traffic and smaller distances. The beauty of the Northland. And that big old lake out there. It’s a wonderful place to live.

But I left behind my family. Two of my three children still live in the Twin Cities, and it is now home to my three grandchildren. Gone are the days when I could spontaneously request, “Can I have a Grammy day tomorrow?” and spend time with those precious little ones. Shopping trips with my daughter and Brueggers bagel mornings with my son have to be sandwiched into our visits to the Cities. Truth be told, they all love coming to Duluth, but it’s just not the same as living around the corner.

And so as Mother’s Day approached I found myself quietly wallowing in self-pity. I would be here, and they would be there. Phone calls would be exchanged. I’d get caught up on the latest. But I couldn’t give them a hug.

Even as I headed out for an early morning bike ride, the feeling still nagged. Not even the cold crisp air, the long slant of the rising sun, and the stillness of Lake Superior could rid me of that longing. I missed my kids.

So imagine my surprise, as I emerged from the shower, dressed for church and stepped into the great room – to be met by Karen and Erik! There they were in the flesh, as if I had conjured them up out of sheer yearning. They fulfilled my every desire and my heart overflowed. Had Carl lived within reasonable distance, my trio would have been complete. But two out of three was a perfect score at that moment in time.

The next four and a half hours were filled with the simple joys of life. Lingering over coffee and sitting outside in the sun. Walking down to Brighton Beach to throw rocks in the lake and feel the chill of the breeze off the water. Talking, sharing, visiting. Just being together. The gift of time. It’s the prefect fit. It takes up no space, doesn’t require dusting and yet remains forever as a memory. It was just what I wanted, even without asking for it. Thank you, kids. For making time for Mom.

Caffeinated Throwbacks

Posted on February 12, 2016 by Molly

Funny how these things go. In the space of two weeks, twice I have been transported back in time, merely by the sight of a coffeemaker. Never mind that coffee is a highlight of my day, sipping its sharp brew through frothy milk with a touch of vanilla sugar on top. That addiction came long after the memories these incidents evoked.

The scene is a small cabin in the middle of the Gunflint Trail. My friend Susan and I are preparing breakfast on the first morning of our annual XC ski trip. We’ve already spent time outdoors, and are looking forward to our morning feast, naturally accompanied by coffee. I’ve even brought my own deep mug and milk frother to create the perfect morning combination. Search as we might, we fail to come up with the standard drip coffeemaker. In fact, the cabin’s accouterments seem a bit slim (what, no wine glasses? the previous night’s discovery). So it brought a chuckle when we unearthed a percolator. Who uses those any more? Will it work with ground drip coffee? It would have to do. And given the circumstances, it tasted divine. Almost anything does after healthy exercise and fresh air, on vacation in a homey cabin.

My parents had a percolator later on in life. I remember its sleek design and shiny surface. But it was the vacuum coffeemaker from my youth that I identify with their morning coffee ritual. It was quite the contraption. Two bulbous silver orbs, one mounted above the other with a “glass rod” that sat in the slim tube that connected the two. Water in the bottom, coffee grounds in the top. As the water heated, it rose up past the glass rod into the top sphere to mingle with the coffee grounds. Once it cooled, science and gravity would flush it back down again with an audible “whoosh,” leaving behind the soggy grounds. The coffee was done.

So imagine my surprise. I sit at the counter with my laptop at my favorite local coffee shop, Amity Coffee. There in front of me is what looks like a science experiment. A bunsen burner sits under a round glass flask connected by a narrow tube to a cylindrical container up top. Sure enough, water in the bottom, coffee grounds on top. Today’s modern version of that relic in my childhood home. It even has a trendy new name – a siphon brew – and a fancy price tag to go with it, running from $60 to $200. I doubt those who order this specialty have any idea that they are drinking coffee from an old-fashioned contraption. Nor does it matter. I’m the one who has gained more than just ambiance from my morning perch.

Who knew that a morning spent with a latté would yield such caffeinated throwbacks?

Anticipation

Posted on January 22, 2016 by Molly

Dinner is over. The dishwasher is humming. Cookies are baked. The refrigerator is stocked. Beds are ready. And I eagerly await the arrival of our Minneapolis kids and grandkids – a total of seven offspring. It’s all I can do to stop myself from scanning the driveway, even though I know it’s far to early to see headlights shining and car doors opening. But it won’t be long!

The occasion – my birthday. After last year’s grand 60th celebration this is back to normal, but it’s a thrill to know the troops are gathering none the less. My daughter and son have promised to make my birthday dinner, so Rich is off the hook and I look forward to their culinary prowess.

My project since Christmas has been to replace the twin beds in the back bedroom with an arrangement that accommodates twice the numbers. We didn’t have enough foresight in planning our retirement home to realize just how rapidly our family members would multiply. To rectify the situation, we turned to our now retired home contractor. With a little arm twisting, and a lot of measuring and planning, he built us a custom set of double bunk beds that perfectly fit the available space. They are the sturdiest, most space efficient sleepers ever. Outfitted with European-style duvets to minimize the pain of making up those upper bunks, they are ready for their first occupants. Word has it, the two older grandkids (5 and almost-4) have dibsed the top bunks already.

I can’t wait to hug those little ones and to see my kids and their loved ones again. The weather looks to be perfect for playing outdoors – skating, sledding, snowshoeing and skiing are all great possibilities for kids and adults alike. Oh the anticipation…

Hiking, Czech Style

Posted on October 29, 2015 by Molly

You have to hand it to the Czechs. When hiking in the mountains, they do things right. How well I remember the first time we went hiking with our Czech daughter, Pavla, and her family. After toiling up the steep climb, wading through deep snow, slipping on the ice and marveling at the stamina of the locals we came to the summit. And a pub! Taking in the surprise registering on our faces, Pavla patiently explained that all such hikes terminate at similar establishments. After all, what would be the point otherwise? Good thinking. We decided on the spot that we liked hiking in the Czech Republic.

Our latest visit with Pavla included a stay in Morovka, where she and her family spend most weekends in husband Pavel’s family home. It is a beautiful spot in a valley situated in the Beskidy Mountains. And right from the doorstep there are numerous hiking options. Blessed with a perfect fall day featuring peak foliage and brilliant sunshine, we set out shortly after lunch with extended family members to tackle the hillside.

The air was crisp and cool, particularly in the shade of the towering trees. It was good incentive to keep moving. We weren’t the only hikers on the trail by any stretch. And nearly all were family groups. What impressed us most of all was the way the young ones carried on without complaint. The youngest in our group was only four, and she covered nearly the whole 5 kilometer distance uphill on her own. She definitely earned the piggy back ride she got on the way down. Those only a few years older hiked round trip with energy to spare. Clearly, they were raised on this stuff.

This particular hike delivered in style. There were multiple resting spots along the way, with plenty of beverage and food options to refresh the weary traveler. At the first, we paused long enough to indulge the children in a pony ride. Our destination was Chata Kotar, where we happily gathered around outdoor tables to enjoy the view. And lift a glass or two.

The views were as spectacular going down as they were on the way up. We couldn’t help marveling at our good fortune with the weather. And there was no better way to enjoy it than traipsing through the colorful, rustling leaves with our Czech family.

Thank you, Pavla, for introducing us to hiking, Czech style!

At home in Ostrava

Posted on October 28, 2015 by Molly

Little did we know 14 years ago that our search for summer child care would forever tie us to the Czech Republic. It was a link through our children’s small Christian school – and fate – that brought Pavla to us. What started as just a summer job ended with inviting her into our home for her final year of post-graduate studies as a member of the family. Her babysitting duties were over.

Despite having to part at the end of that year, we have remained firmly connected ever since. We took the kids over to see her the following year, and we were warmly embraced by her entire family. Rich and I have returned several times since, most memorably for Pavla’s wedding. There we were honored to be recognized as her “American parents” and enthralled with the Czech wedding traditions. Nine long years have since passed. We were overdue for a visit.

It was a joyful reunion on the train platform when we arrived in Ostrava. With tight hugs and emotions raging we looked forward to an entire week together. Soon Pavla was ushering ushering us into their new apartment in central Ostrava. We marveled at the remodeling her husband Pavel had done, transforming it into a bright modern home. But more importantly we met their young daughters for the first time, Elenka and Beatka. Their English may have been limited, but we had little trouble connecting with them. Sharing their pet bunny and playing board games involved no language barrier.

Despite the passage of time, regardless of Pavla now shepherding a family of her own we instantly felt at home. And we were quickly assimilated into their family routine. Our time revolved around Pavla’s availability, as the realities of work, mothering and running a household took precedence. Early on we accompanied Pavla on her rounds to pick the girls up after school. It gave us the unique opportunity to peek into their classrooms and get a glimpse of their day at school.

When left to our own devices, we happily reacquainted ourselves with Ostrava. Far from being a tourist town, we enjoyed the fact that we never saw other Americans and immersed ourselves in the life of an ordinary Czech city. It didn’t take me long to get to know the coffee shops, and I enjoyed meandering along the city streets admiring the local architecture. The age and location of the city alone provided plenty for me to see. My favorites were the colorful detailed buildings and the onion topped towers.

We rambled along the Ostravice River daily, walking its banks until it reached the countryside on each end. The fall colors were vivid, enhancing its appeal and cancelling out the gray skies.

We were fortunate that Pavla’s job teaching business English in the local university gave her a varied schedule. And we made the most of her free hours. She made sure we got out to see some sights, so we took the girls to the zoo and visited the Tatra Museum in a nearby city. As always Pavla spoiled us by making Czech meals, remembering the foods we most enjoyed. But the best times were the quiet hours we had together. Spending a morning over coffee visiting. Having an evening together when the girls were happily playing. Accompanying her on errands in the city, always walking. Those were the moments when we relived memories. Laughed together. Analysed life. And treasured.

As always, the time went too quickly and it was hard to leave. Instead of saying goodbye, it felt better to say “See you soon.” Because I know we will. And I know we always have a home in Ostrava.

The Wedding Cocoon

Posted on August 20, 2015 by Molly

Weddings, funerals and the birth of a baby. In my limited experience, those three life-changing events stop the world. While life goes on, news events happen and the clock ticks forward, for those closely involved all that ceases to exist. Only the event at hand matters.

That certainly was the case for me this weekend during the wedding of our son, Carl, and his new bride, Chelsea. From the moment we arrived at our hotel until our trip home, I happily surrendered email, board responsibilities, writing assignments, coffee dates and my to-do list. All that mattered was on the detailed schedule developed by Carl and Chelsea – my life was theirs for three plus days. And it was a wonderful ride.

It was easy and exciting to get pulled into the final preparations for the outdoor reception to be held on the lawn of Chelsea’s family’s farm. Despite being kept in the loop as plans progressed, nothing could have prepared me for arriving two days before the wedding to see the final production in full swing. Everything was carefully staged in Chelsea’s parents’ expansive great room, with armies of friends and family pitching in to put it all in place. The large white tent stood majestically in the expansive manicured yard, surrounded by trees, a wall of cornstalks and large shed lined with sunflowers. The dance floor was under construction, tall tables were being moved into place for the social hour, and large scale photos from parents’ and grandparents’ weddings were being mounted on trees. Flowers had just been cut from the garden where they had been planted specifically to grace the dining tables. Boxes containing the lace tablecloths, unique china plates and hand-made napkins were labeled for distributing to each table. And the pièce de résistance, 15 red vintage tractors carefully restored by Chelsea’s grandfather stood as lawn ornaments among the trees. It was magic in the making.

Events began in earnest with the rehearsal. Having met at Wartburg College nearly ten years ago, it was entirely fitting that Carl and Chelsea chose the college chapel for their wedding ceremony. Dinner was in the “Castle Room” of the college, a warm wood paneled room reserved for special events where we shared a memorable meal with those closest to Carl and Chelsea.

With a perfect weather forecast, the wedding day went off without a hitch (well, if you don’t count best man Erik’s missing pants – but even that ended well). The chapel quickly filled with family and friends and the moment we’d all been awaiting finally arrived. From my front pew, I could clearly see Carl’s eyes fill with tears as Chelsea entered the back of the chapel with her father. His emotion triggered mine, and I’m sure many others as we witnessed the love of this young couple as they came together to be joined as man and wife. From there flowed a very personal and meaningful ceremony performed by Pastor Steve, a long-term friend of Chelsea’s family. It was gratifying to see our entire family involved with Erik as best man, Karen and Matt singing, Katie as an usher, and Ben and Mya as Ring Bearer and Flower Girl.

By the time we arrived at the reception, the Iowa heat had broken for the day and in the shade of the trees and tent it was delightful. Guests filled the lawn and mingled as they explored every detail of that special venue. Snacks were artfully arrayed, wine and beer were flowing, lawn games could be played. It wasn’t long before the wedding party exited their party bus, following the requisite stop at Dairy Queen (a Hoeg tradition…), ready to celebrate.

All the important elements flowed flawlessly – the Iowa barbecue dinner, the toasts, the couple’s first dance, cutting the wedding cake and special Twin’s hat groom’s cake. In the warmth of the evening air it could not have been more perfect. And yet, there was one more detail to be revealed. A secret planned by Chelsea’s parents and not revealed to a single sole, including the wedding couple.

The band announced they were taking a break, and asked guests to clear the dance floor. Just moments later, the first burst of color exploded over the cornfields. It was followed by additional pops and flashes as an extraordinary display of fireworks proceeded. We were treated to ten minutes of non-stop sparkle as the night sky lit up with continuous tributes for this special occasion. It gave me goosebumps just standing there as the brilliant illuminations reflected off the faces of Carl and Chelsea and the assembly of guests.

The whole weekend was memorable. Snapshots of time, faces and emotions will remain with me forever. Now that I’m back home, I’m having trouble picking up the pieces of “life as usual” and resuming my normal routine. I’m still basking in the joy of the moments of that wedding cocoon, when all else paused for Carl and Chelsea’s marriage.

Wedding Finery

Posted on August 17, 2015 by Molly

For weeks I’ve been working under wraps. I eagerly volunteered to sew the outfits for my grandchildren’s roles as Ring Bearer and Flower Girl for my son Carl’s wedding. And like many wedding plans, it meant staying mum about the details until the big day.

Finding sewing patterns turned out to be a lesson for me. While I naturally began with Simplicity, McCalls and Butterick, my daughter took a different route. In short order, she sent me an email with links to dress, vest and tie patterns online – all through Etsy. I’d never gone that route before, using patterns created and shared by creative sewers that I could download and print right at home. I was a little concerned about the quality and fit of the patterns, but soon found that they were well designed and included excellent instructions.

Selecting fabric was also informative. With the bridesmaids wearing yellow sundresses of their own choosing, my daughter, Karen, and I sought coordinating prints in yellow tones. We found a few at a chain fabric store, but before finalizing the selection, I checked out Hannah Johnson Fabrics right in Lakeside. There I feasted my eyes on beautiful prints all displayed in color families. I quickly honed in on a brilliant floral piece and several good options for companion fabrics. Knowing that these fabrics were 100% cotton aimed at quilters, I expressed my concern about sewing a dress for a toddler that might wrinkle easily. The helpful owner of the shop quickly allayed my fears, explaining that quality cotton would wear beautifully without wrinkles. I took her advice, paid the premium for the beautiful fabrics and didn’t regret it for a moment. She was absolutely right, and I know I’ll be a repeat customer.

Half way through the creative process, it was a great joy to finally begin the sewing. Clothes for little people go together quickly and are so darn cute. I couldn’t resist snapping photos of each piece as I completed it, sending it to Karen and bride Chelsea to see. One project led to another, and as soon as baby sister Isabel came along, I sought out patterns for her wedding outfit as well – all on Etsy, of course. To my delight, I found patterns for a newborn dress and diaper cover for free. It was hard to stop, so I went one step further and created fabric flowers for Mya to wear in her hair, and a matching headband for Isabel. I’m sure given more time I’d have found more details to add.

During one of my try-on sessions with Ben and Mya, they took off outside to show their mommy. Running around the yard, romping and chasing each other, they wiggled and rolled in their “fancy clothes.” To my own surprise I was not worried at all, thrilled with their delight in their wedding clothes.

The good news is that the Flower Girl and Ring Bearer performed their roles beautifully and charmingly – an outcome by no means guaranteed. And I think they were as excited as the bride and groom to don their wedding finery that day.

Superior Footprints

Life and the Outdoors in the Northland

Category Archives: Family Footprints

Letting Go

Wedding Finery 2.0

A Child’s view of the Harbor

Time for Mom

Caffeinated Throwbacks

Anticipation

Hiking, Czech Style

At home in Ostrava

The Wedding Cocoon

Wedding Finery

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